Conflict Management a Reaction Paper free essay sample

Seven Attitudes to Dissolve Conflicts By Daniel Robin If you notice yourself getting dug in or angry in the face of differing views, ask for a time out and step out of the content for a moment and notice if you are presently moving toward your true goal. If not, or if the situation is just getting too uncomfortable, check to see which of the seven strategies shown below would be most helpful in turning your conflict into collaboration. 1. Define what the conflict is about. Studies on spousal disputes showed that about 75% of the time, partners are fighting about different issues. Ask the other person What’s the issue? then What’s your concern here? or What do you feel we are fighting about? Eventually ask What do you want to accomplish? and How can we work this out? 2. It’s not you versus me; it’s you and me versus the problem. The problem is the problem. It’s stupid to try to defeat the other side, because after losing, the first thing the other side thinks is I need a rematch (and I’ll come back with more firepower so I can win this time). If we win at the other person’s expense, we also pay a price in the long run. We have a world of rematches of rematches of rematches. Don’t bring your adversaries to their knees, bring them to the table. 3. Identify your shared concerns against your one shared separation. Deal with the conflict from where the relationship is strongest (where you agree), not weakest. It’s easier and thus more likely to be effective if you move from areas of agreement to areas of disagreement, than the other way around. Find common ground by meeting the other person where they are. Acknowledge their viewpoint. Stand on this common ground as a stronger platform from which to work out respective differences. 4. Sort out interpretations from facts. Never ask people who have been in a fight what happened. You’ll get their interpretation, their opinion, their version of what occurred. Instead ask, What did you do or say? Then you get perceptions that are much closer to facts, not merely opinions. Facts help clarify perceptions, which is basic to conflict dissolution. 5. Develop a sense of forgiveness. Reconciliation is impossible without it. Many people are willing to bury the hatchet, but they insist on remembering exactly where they buried it — in case they need it for the next battle. Let it go completely (or decide when you will). A brilliant definition of forgiveness: giving up all hope for a better past. 6. Learn to listen actively. Turn it around, from when I talk, people listen to me, to when I listen, people talk to me. Habit Five in Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Take time to backtrack and verify what you hear. Listen with the intent to understand; not with the intent to respond. Take the first step toward reconciliation by being willing to listen with the intention to understand, and by being willing to listen first. This unblocks the logjam of right/wrong thinking, of ego and power struggle, of compassion over fear. 7. Purify your heart. You can’t get conflict and violence out of other people without first getting it out of your own soul. We can’t eliminate the weapons of the world without first getting them out of our own hearts. Consider what you really want and find the place inside you that can lead you to it. Peace begins at home. Peace begins with you. Comments: This article really gives me the concise idea of having effective communication flow regardless of different personalities of people, prone to conflict if not facilitated well, whom I dealt with day by day. There’s a big factor of how we deal with ourselves as a basic discipline and this would help us gauge our readiness to face and embrace the uniqueness of the crowd. Listening is the key of good and smooth communication and yet this is a very difficult training amongst other characteristics in resolving conflicts. It’s my privilege that with this article, I have learned to understand and manage the communication lapses and gaps. I already have practiced some of these strategies. Other important things to consider here need to be instill so that, it can be easily remembered to apply when related situation arises. The Gentle Art of Confrontation By Daniel Robin When you have a difficult message to convey to someone, how do you get them to listen non-defensively? This article explores methods of delivering so-called bad news with maximum effectiveness and minimum offensiveness. Consider the following situation at the office: a co-worker consistently deflects, resists, or lashes back each time you initiate an open an honest discussion of an issue. You’ve become frustrated or upset with this person’s attitude and inability to hear your message. You’d like to express how it is for you, get to an understanding or agreement, and move on. Have you thought about why they would be resisting? Just to be difficult? Fear? Self-preservation? Perhaps you just haven’t found a way to fly in under their radar. If the other person’s behavior is bothering you then you own the decision about how to handle it. Your options are: avoid, accommodate, defer to someone else, or confront. Don’t expect the other person to notice you are bothered. If you tend to avoid confrontations, an important question to ask yourself is Will the situation change if I do nothing? If you confront, you might arrive at a win-win (negotiated) solution, a compromise, or no deal. Given a typical situation in your work or everyday life, what would you normally do? The best move depends on two factors: (1) your ultimate goal or agenda with this person, and (2) their natural communication style (relative to your own style). Gaining Leverage Let’s assume you have to work together, or perhaps youre in a relationship you value for some other reason. If you are holding a negative opinion about the other person, you could just go directly for what you want: for them to hear you, see it your way, and perhaps to change their behavior. Directly confronting the issue by telling them what you think will clear it for you, but might not get your true message across. Why? Because there are two components; theres the content of your message (You missed another deadline) and your feelings about that message ( and Im sick and tired of it. ). Whats your true intention in making the other person aware of your view? Being overly assertive can get you resolution at the expense of the relationship. Assuming you want to preserve or strengthen your relationship with this person and simultaneously get your point across, you need leverage. Have you noticed that people always — yes, always — operate out of their needs, wants, and desires? If you knew their interests (to get a raise, to get you off their back) or their intentions (to get along better with people), you’d have a way to reach your goal without manipulating, controlling, badgering, or therwise upsetting them. Knowing their agenda would empower you to make a request or to offer a potential solution in terms they will value. So how do you find out? Ask It Like It Is What’s more likely to get you on track toward your goal: asking or telling? Telling it like it is may be satisfying for you in the moment, but will it get you the response you want ? Asking direct, powerful questions — rather than making a strong assertion — will reveal lots about their agenda. That awareness allows you to move with and find ways to blend with their desired outcome, so you can reach your ultimate goal. Asking questions and listening creates psychological air for them to hear you. In short, avoid explaining your viewpoint or making requests until after you’ve discovered theirs. Flex Over to Their Style You’ll get more leverage if you acknowledge and match their natural communication style. Style reflects values, which points to their likely outcome, providing a good platform for negotiation and agreement. For example, if they are a particularly task-oriented person, they might forget to include the team in key decisions. By knowing they care more about getting the job done than about chit-chat, you’ll be better able to couch things in terms they will understand. Consumer protection warning: unless you have permission to dig and do process problem-solving, avoid asking Why questions. It puts people on the defensive and tends to talk about the past. Instead, use questions that start with What or How. When you ask questions, to avoid sounding like an interrogator, carry the intent to learn, be genuinely curious and interested. It’s far less threatening. Being in a state of childlike curiosity is quite disarming. Now It’s Your Turn So, if your goal is to influence the other person’s behavior, the next step is to get them to hear and value how the situation personally affects you. When you have rapport, the classic I message is probably your best tell alternative. An I message uses the template I feel [name the feeling] when you [describe the behavior] because [state the conse quences or reasons for your feelings] and is clear and direct. The sequence is key: state your feeling first, then their part described in behavioral terms, then what it means to you. If you begin with You everything after that will be deflected and theyll probably say You also. There are two ways that even carefully constructed I messages can backfire: (1) They often provoke defensiveness or resistance, perching the listener at the edge of what we call the blame frame. (2) The person might not be inspired to care about your feelings nor about their role in producing your feelings. In business, some I messages will get you a chilly That’s your problem, isn’t it? For instance, how would Rambo respond to I feel scared when you ? If you can assert your view with no attachment to being heard (in other words, the message sent is for you, not for them), then an I message will help you be responsible, be candid in the moment, to clear your feelings. After delivering your I message, double-check to see if the person is still available to hear the message (informational) part of your I message. Another tell approach is called the sandwich technique and will often buy you the joy of being heard: first acknowledge their positive intentions or behavior, drop the bombshell (try In the future, I suggest , or You might consider ), then conclude with more positive reinforcement. This velvet glove approach must be brief and sincere, or you’ll get interrupted with Get to the point! or Okay, what’s the bad news? This technique not only softens the blow when you have difficult news to deliver, but it also keeps you from blurting out your feelings in ways that might not fit for the other person. Lastly, and pro bably the most effective, is to make a request. Rather than saying I’m sick and tired of you always arriving late for our meetings! try I request that you to recommit to our agreement about being on time. Does that work for you? Or Will you pay me $10 every time you are more than 10 minutes late to a meeting? Even if your request is not accepted, at least you’ll make your point without verbal abuse. Who knows, you might even acquire some supplementary income. Comments: For many years, I’m careful about using â€Å"I† in my verbal message with others. Sometimes, when things need to be discussed for resolution, I only listen and secretly make a sound of myself without others to hear my contentions. I have difficulty in confronting people in a less offensive type, this is why, I rather not to talk against someone directly or unable others to know my side even in a sarcastic way since I don’t have the scheme of doing confrontation effectively. The author has provided us with a process of how to go about problems with confrontation and put into an agreement in a simplified way. It’s important to know the gentle art of confrontation as a guide to handle such situation without abeyance of knowing we are already caught of guard. We are primarily responsible with the words that we used in dealing with people and as to word usage, delivering it reflects our inner personality and values acquired in our home. Being diligent and observant of communication etiquette can gain us the respect even from influential people. In the business world, politics, spiritual and other sectors, confrontation is very basic. It’s good to hear that for some people or leaders within that jurisdiction have able to manage everyday’s issues, violence, assertions and allegations in an effective way. Perhaps, they’ve been into more exercises, trainings, and experiences or have personal advisers so that they can be able to withstand changing problems on answering and telling or questioning issues in actual, which is critical, without being irresponsible and offensive to the recipient and public. These articles have helped me assess myself on how responsible and ready to take my part in the situation. It requires establishing a goal then, practice and maybe for the first try, this may not be a successful as should be. But, it’s better to have this guide enable not to be offensive once I need to put this in practice at this early. Seven Steps to Handling Interpersonal Differences Keys to Negotiating with Power and Grace By Daniel Robin Make no mistake: resolving differences through negotiation is not a logical, linear process. However, this model can serve as a framework for staying on track and learning how and where things go wrong. These seven steps progress from how you might want to begin an effort to resolve differences to how youd want to complete that effort. Remember to prepare by writing down your goal before taking your first step. Enjoy the dance! 1. Establish a healthy context Plan and select the right time, place, and atmosphere to negotiate one that fosters mutual respect. Agree to groundrules, if necessary, so both parties feel safe and able to speak openly. Youll know if you picked the wrong time if you sit there during the conversation asking yourself Why am I talking about this right now? Make an appointment or simply wait until the right moment. Ask others to do the same. 2. Tap into motivation Mutual motivation is prerequisite to effective negotiation. If they have a positional or situational power advantage, appeal to their self-interest (match their values) to motivate them to join you at the negotiation table and grant power to the conversation. If you have more positional or situational power (you’re one up), temporarily suspend that privilege to empower the other party through inclusion. Share the commodities of power so they actively participate in getting to an agreement. Be direct and forthcoming. Speak plainly. Clarify your intention to work it out and ask for them to hold you accountable to standards and guidelines. People use power differently passive avoiders hold onto interpersonal power (they might need it later), authoritarians use power over others, accommodaters give it up, while collaborators go for power with others, or shared power. What’s your most and least familiar style? Who are you working with and what’s their natural style? See the Interpersonal and Leadership Styles discussion for details. 3. Remember your Goal Before the conversation begins, ask yourself What do I want? If what you want is likely to be unacceptable to the other person (your position), then ask yourself What would it do for me if I ad that? Be clear about how youd know if you achieved your desired outcome. Because you write down your goal in terms of wants, actual needs (interests, motivation, core values, or criteria), options and alternatives, all you need do during the discussion is to recollect what you wrote down and then . 4. Discover their Goal Build rapport as you gather information ab out what they want. Be curious and interested. Focus first on understanding and defining any problems or issues, then shift to pinpointing their priorities and interests. Ask What would that do? how, and when questions avoid why. 5. Accept and Validate their View Accepting it doesnt mean you agree with it or obligate you to share stated interests. Before asking them to understand your view, make sure you understand can verify exactly how it is for them. Surface any Yes, but resistance. Match and mirror to get to the heart of any issues. Remember: you know your own goal (Step 3), so you’re free to first be fully on their agenda. 6. Build a Bridge Use what youve learned to highlight areas where you agree. Identify your shared concerns against your shared separation. Shift out of you against me and into us against the problem. Lead toward a mutual understanding of what we both want. Moving with any resistance you encounter (steps 4 5), propose possible creative alternatives (What if I , would you ? ) to clarify conditions of satisfaction. Brainstorm several options that would satisfy mutual interests. Two useful questions are What would it take [to satisfy both our concerns]? and How might we work it out so that your needs and my needs are both met? This will open up a variety of ways to reach agreement. Dont pick one right away, just list them. 7. Walk across the Bridge Collaborate in selecting the one, best alternative to satisfy shared interests. Youll know youre on the right track when one of you says Which one of these options would work best for you? or if someone checks to see if theres anything else to talk about. Close the session by verifying understandings and agreeme nts reached, including any further action, inquiry or follow-up steps. Recognize and appreciate cooperation as well as clear boundaries. As you practice using these steps, you will open up a variety of new ways to form agreements, show respect, and preserve perhaps even strengthen your basis for relationship. Comments It’s important to have a good deal with interpersonal differences. This subject is different from those being taught in college days since, this require major attention and maturity. With this topic, I can say, it’s worth doing. Though it takes us more steps to identify both concerns and putting your feet to other shoes just to understand and able to solve differences in a manner which is contributory to the attainment of the common goal. In this world, we have to consider how to deal people in different ways just to have harmonious environment where everyone’s ambition is to live with peace. We came from variety of races, values, traditions and beliefs. There’s no guarantee that others have the same molecule as you have even the looks. Inner being is complex to determine as unique part of us. Even for ourselves, we also need help just to understand the whole of our being. Brilliant mind and Emotional quotient are two important things to balance. A systematic way of solving each differences as illustrated in this topic will help a lot.